What It’s Like to be “Maybe” Pregnant

The past month has flown by, as does most of my life. Can you believe we were matched at the end of June? Where did summer go? I started meds the day of my last post and things have been going smoothly since. My first lining check was August 30 and everything was perfect, lining was 7.5, triple pattern, and estrogen was 57. Second lining check was September 6 and again, things were great. Lining was now 10.6, estrogen was 235 (a little low so I had to add back in the infamous little blue pills from last journey, although this time orally) and progesterone was 0.16.

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I also got to meet my IM for brunch after my lining check on the 6th. She brought me a little gift which consisted of a travel coffee mug with a picture of a unicorn on it, see picture, (she already knows me!!), some caffeine free orange tea, and a whole lotta pregnancy tests. Under any other circumstances one could view this as a little strange, but I thought it was really sweet of her. I do love to pee on sticks.

September 7 I started the butt shots. Just as bad as I remember, but still SO MUCH BETTER than the vaginal suppositories. I always seem to forget how big the needle is. I have to remind my husband every time…”like a dart!” If you put the needle in too slowly it is so much more painful!! This time, though, I am not using ice before injections and no heat after. So far no knots…yet.

I also got to spend an afternoon with the twins from my first surrogacy. They are SO. STINKING. CUTE. I can not believe they are going to be 3 next month! They are absolutely adorable and so sweet and were so excited to let me take a picture with them.

I did almost have a mini-heart-attack when, the night before transfer, I realized I had forgotten pineapple. We are building a new house, we close the end of the month, my girls had dance auditions, we have surrogacy and so much going on that I completely forgot. I was devastated!! Luckily for me, I have some incredible co-workers, and one of them offered to bring me a pineapple. He dropped it off saying, “If I can help a girl get pregnant for $3, I’m golden.”

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Doesn’t look super terrible, except every item was FREEZING cold

Before I knew it, it was transfer day! I had to arrive at CCRM at 10:30 for a transfer scheduled at noon. I worked the night before, went home and slept for about an hour, then went to breakfast with my husby before heading over to the clinic.

I was excited and terrified and all the normal emotions one experiences prior to having someone else’s baby put into you via a straw, basically. I couldn’t help thinking that this is their only shot at a girl and I ain’t gonna lie…I am happy for the opportunity but scared about it not working.

My IM and husby both came for transfer and it all went great. I had to do more labs and an ultrasound, lining was now exactly 12. I got acupuncture before and after, only fell asleep after, we transferred one beautiful little embryo, got to chat and laugh and . We think she looks like a diamond ring. They make you have a partially full bladder to help lift your uterus for transfer, but then you have to serioulsy pee afterwards but they won’t let you get up so you have to go in a bedpan, while laying down. Yeah. That’s a thing they make you do. It is not easy, folks. Not easy at all.

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I was VERY excited for transfer day

I, sort of, enjoyed bed rest for the remainder of the day September 11 and all of the following day. I had all these big plans to binge watch a whole lot of tv, but in reality I just slept a lot. (Thank you, Valium and night shift sleep deprivation!) I don’t like to sit still, so bed rest is always hard for me. I was just glad I got to spend it in my own bed this time and with my family.

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Look at all the needles stuck in my head.

Now I am enduring the dreaded 9 day wait until my beta to confirm if we are pregnant. This is the “maybe” pregnant stage. I am very open about my journeys and experiences so a lot of my friends and co-workers know what’s going on and are checking in with me. They ask, “so, are you pregnant yet?” To which I can only reply, “Maybe? I can’t say yes, because it’s not confirmed, but I can’t say no because I mean…technically I am pregnant until we know otherwise. Being “maybe” pregnant is tough. You will LITERALLY over analyze every single little possible pregnancy symptom you experience to the nth degree.

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I think the Valium was kicking in for me at this point.

I have a cramp, oooh maybe I’m pregnant? I smell something funny, oooh maybe I’m pregnant. I’m overly tired, oooh maybe I’m pregnant. I’m exceptionally clumsy, oooh maybe I’m pregnant. It goes on and on and one, for 9 LONG DAYS. Some women have to wait a full 2 weeks.

So here I am, trying to not lose my mind and stay distracted by preparing for the new house. I have plenty of sticks to pee on, but it’s still early. The day of beta is kind of the day you would have a missed period on a normal cycle, so testing before canĀ  be hit or miss. If you get a positive it’s so wonderful and exciting, but if you get a negative it can really be upsetting even though it may not mean you are not pregnant. A lot of IPs request the surrogates not tell them if they test, my IM wanted to know about every single one. Now just 3 more days of “maybe”…

Fingers crossed. Grow baby, grow!

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Our little “diamond ring” baby girl embryo